Candor vs Tact

What kind of friend do u find most likeable on FB? Mine… a friend comes into mind for her candor.. I like her posts because she can be candidly funny.

What kind of inspirational speaker do u find most inspiring? Mine.. two friends come to mind: one speaks of all her achievements and how she achieve them; the other shares her success stories and candidly tells of her not-so-successful ones. Of these two, i prefer the latter.

And so I want to talk about candor. What does it mean to be candid? To be candid is to be honest, frank and speaking the truth without a facade. For me, the word seems to carry a sense of happiness and brightness. I searched for its origin. In latin, it is whiteness. Words associated with candor are integrity, sincerity, fairness, guilelessness and naiveté.

To be guileless and naive is to be childlike – without deceit. How does a child do that? At times, to the point of being rude, right? But we know that behind his truthfulness, he did not mean to hurt. Let me illustrate an example: I was embarrassed when my young daughter candidly told a friend that her gift was too small to fit her. She answered in reply to the friend’s asking. She was too young to be tactful about it.

Tact is sensitivity, understanding and thoughtfulness in dealing with difficult situations. Its Latin origin is to touch, or sense of touch.

I appreciate the candor of my adult friends and I observed that my child needs tact in her candor. What is the difference of their candor? The candor of my friends is illustrated when they shared truths about themselves – even their own weaknesses or the not-so-good stuffs in their lives to share lessons they learned. Candor is authenticity. On the other hand, I teach my child that she needs to be tactful even as she is honest.

The Bible sums it up nicely: Speak the truth in love. (Eph. 4:15) Paul taught the Ephesians to grow in Christ. To be mature in Christ is about integrity and about love. How? We need to be honest with each other and we need to be sensitive to one another. Candor with tact – speak the truth in love.

Profile of the Lowly Lord

Servanthood: The Profile of the Humble Teacher

John 13
1 It was just before the Passover Festival. Jesus knew that the hour had come for him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end.

2 The evening meal was in progress, and the devil had already prompted Judas, the son of Simon Iscariot, to betray Jesus. 3 Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; 4 so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. 5 After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him.

12 When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. “Do you understand what I have done for you?” he asked them. 13 “You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am. 14 Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. 15 I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. 16 Very truly I tell you, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. 17 Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.

Jesus washed the feet of his disciples: every one of them, of Judas, who betrayed him, of Peter who denied him, of all the others who abandoned him when he was on the way to the cross. Why? How?

Purpose: v. 1 Jesus knew his hour had come. He knew his purpose for which he was sent into the world. It’s time for him to do his mission and go back to his Father. He loved his disciples and he loved them to the end.

Power: v. 3 Jesus knew his power came from the Father and that he had come from God and he would return to God. Power from God is the means by which Jesus washed his disciples’ feet.

Jesus set an example of true humility – the teacher washing the feet of his students. He taught in words and deed. Jesus showed them what they are to do with one another – wash each other’s feet. This is the way to love one another. Jesus loved them to the end. Love motivates each act of humble service.

In those days, only servants wash the feet of all who come to visit. Feet washing is a lowly task. Yet, the Master Teacher washed the feet of his students. How did he do it?

Jesus knew his position: He is Son of God. He would go back to the Father (v. 1a). He had come from God and was returning to God (v.3).
Jesus knew his purpose: He came to love and love them to the end (v. 1b).
Jesus knew his power: The Father had put all things under his power (v. 3).

When a person is secure in his identity, he has the means to do all that he’s called to do. His purpose is rooted in his position just as his position empowers him for his purpose.

Today, I am a child of God as Jesus is the Son of God because I believe and accepted Jesus as my Lord, Saviour and Teacher. I am called to love as Jesus loves. I am empowered to serve as Jesus served – his love compelled him to the way of calvary: from washing feet to dying on the cross and everything in between.

Lord, Make me a servant humble and meek
Lord let me lift up those who are weak
And may the prayer of my heart always be
Make me a servant
Make me a servant
Make me a servant today.

For Better or For Worse

Do you believe God uses people to help you navigate the challenges of life? I do. How so?

A friend once asked: ‘D ka pa ba sanay sa kanya?’ Are you not used to him yet? This simple rhetorical question opened my eyes to another perspective. Do you not know him enough yet? Indeed after more than 33 years, why am I not yet used to hubby?

Being life partners is life-long journey to know one another, to get used to one another… accepting each other, both our strengths and weaknesses. We grow stronger and wiser as we navigate our differences and our weaknesses together.

One friend pointed out that hubby is faithful to me. He does not do things that make me doubt his loyalty and commitment to our marriage -his promise before God and man. This precious truth reminds me of what is important – his love trumps his weaknesses. I too have my weaknesses.

Another friend said: ‘No one likes to volunteer to answer the hard questions the teacher asks in class.’ Neither would I raise my hands to cancer, depression, death and good-byes in the family. But God works all things (both good and bad) for my good – even though my love for him is not perfect, He calls me for His purpose – to make me more and more like Jesus for His glory. Romans 8:28-30 assures me of that.

This friend also said: It’s putting one foot in front of the other. I agree. It’s just when I started to walk again after ankle surgery. It’s a struggle to walk with crutches. But one foot forward is better than standing still – going nowhere. Eventually the first step leads me to many more steps until finally I could walk again, climb and go down stairs again, hike again, and dance again!

So is life. Each time when life is hard, I need to take courage. Instead of running away, I have to face the problem, embrace the pain, deal with the challenge head on. And always by the grace and mercy of God, I overcome -little by little, one step at a time.

This simple song I learned in summer camps.
Little by little, one step at a time,
He’s changing our hearts and renewing our minds.
Teaching us how to be patient and kind.
Little by little, one step at a time.
Today is another day to live life one step at a time.

Lord, renew my mind and transform my heart – to be patient and kind like you, Jesus. Amen.

Are you a wise judge?

Question: When you see a wrong, how do you respond? Do you say something, do something to right the wrong? Or do you maintain status quo, or mind your own business?

It depends. Whenever I see people not queuing properly, my conscience urged me to point out the wrong. There’s the end of the line.

When friends share with me their struggles or candidly tell of their stories, I sometimes need to control myself from speaking out and remind myself not to judge even when instinctively I think something’s not right. I confess that it can be tricky – when to right a wrong or point out a mistake; when to speak the truth or when to stay silent. It takes both discernment and courage to make the right choice.

To judge or not to judge?

Jesus taught his disciples in Matthew 7:1-3
“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?

The principle behind this teaching is not to measure others by another yardstick with which I use for myself. When I am critical of other people, I need to examine myself whether I am doing the same. This principle applies to the family of faith – fellow Christians – believers and followers of Jesus.

What about the outsiders – those who do not know Jesus? Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 5 an important principle.

12 For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Do you not judge those who are within the church? 13 But those who are outside, God judges. Remove the wicked man from among yourselves.

The background on this teaching was that there was someone sleeping with his father’s wife in the church. Paul rebuked them for condoning immorality in the church. (vv.1-2)
Paul’s response: He condemned the sinner for his adultery. (vv. 3-5)
Paul taught a parable on the leaven and unleavened dough. (vv. 6-8) Leaven is a substance like the yeast that makes the dough rise. As a verb, it is to cause (dough or bread) to ferment and rise by adding leaven. “leavened breads are forbidden during Passover” Paul pointed out the importance not to let sin influence the whole church. Instead, the sinner should be reprimanded and taken out.

Do we associate with immoral people or not? No and yes. Read vv. 9-11.
When Paul said not to associate with immoral people, he did not mean sinful people of the world. Why? Because that is not possible – because to do so, one has to be a hermit. v.10
But actually, I wrote to you not to associate with any so-called brother if he is an immoral person, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or a swindler—not even to eat with such a one. v.11

When we maintain status quo, when we turn a blind eye to sin, when we do not speak the truth and point out the wrong, when we continue to befriend a sinner, we are allowing the person to continue in his sin.

To ponder:
When I am critical of fellow Christians, let me check myself… What would I do if I were in the same situation? Would I do the same? Is there perhaps something I am not aware of? What would it be like to be in his/her shoes?

On the other hand, why am I keeping quiet? Is it time to speak the truth? What are the consequences of my silence? Is my indifference and apathy a cause for others to continue in sin? How does it affect fellow believers when I keep quiet?

Lord, help me to be wise – to judge or not to judge, May your Spirit teach and guide me to search inward and look upward so that I can be light and salt in the world.

Of Hand-Washing and Heart-Warming

It is a good habit to wash our hands before eating. But in the days of Jesus, the Pharisees strictly observed their tradition of washing their hands, their utensils etc before the meal. And they questioned and criticised Jesus and his disciples how come they did not observe this tradition. How did Jesus respond?

Matthew 15
3 And He answered and said to them, “Why do you yourselves transgress the commandment of God for the sake of your tradition? 4 For God said, ‘Honor your father and mother,’ and, ‘He who speaks evil of father or mother is to be put to death.’ 5 But you say, ‘Whoever says to his father or mother, “Whatever I have that would help you has been given to God,” 6 he is not to honor his father or his mother.’

Jesus criticized the Pharisees for outward observance of tradition without really obeying God’s commandment. They gave diligently to tithes to the temple and would use this as an excuse to withhold giving to their parents.

Jesus further said:
And by this you invalidated the word of God for the sake of your tradition. 7 You hypocrites, rightly did Isaiah prophesy of you?
8 ‘This people honors Me with their lips,
But their heart is far away from Me.
9 ‘But in vain do they worship Me,
Teaching as doctrines the precepts of men.’”
10 After Jesus called the crowd to Him, He said to them, “Hear and understand. 11 It is not what enters into the mouth that defiles the man, but what proceeds out of the mouth, this defiles the man.”

Application:

God is more concerned with the condition of my heart – what I do and what motivates my action is much more important that what I say.

Let me beware of putting too much emphasis on outward appearances – following traditions, the customary way of worship – the form without the essence.

When I sing songs during worship service, do I mean what I sing? When I give tithes, is it from a heart of gratitude and response to God’s goodness? Do I go to church as a matter of habit? Is my ministry out of expectations put on me by friends, pastors, church leaders?

Jesus explained the parable to Peter:

17 Do you not understand that everything that goes into the mouth passes into the stomach, and is eliminated? 18 But the things that proceed out of the mouth come from the heart, and those defile the man.
19 For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, slanders. 20 These are the things which defile the man; but to eat with unwashed hands does not defile the man.”

Ponder:
But what comes out of my mouth proceeds from the condition of my heart. Are my thoughts pleasing to God? Is my motive pure? Do I really love God with actions? How do I treat our neighbours? Actions speak louder than words. But even actions ultimately result from the heart. How is my heart? When I honour God with my lips, is my heart near to God? Do I worship God in vain because of shallow observance of tradition?

Let me beware and remember: Things that proceed out of the mouth come from the heart. How is my heart?

Create in me a clean heart, O God and renew a right spirit within me to sustain me. May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be acceptable in your sight, my Lord and Redeemer. Amen

Musings from the Garden

The parable of the sower is a familiar one for many: 4 kinds of soil with 4 results. Only 1 seed = gospel (good news of Jesus) yet there are two categories of the results: the saved and the unsaved.

Matthew 13
18 “Listen then to the parable of the sower. 19 When anyone hears the word of the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what has been sown in his heart. This is the one sown with seed beside the road.

20 The one sown with seed on the rocky places, this is the one who hears the word and immediately receives it with joy; 21 yet he has no firm root in himself, but is only temporary, and when affliction or persecution occurs because of the word, immediately he falls away.

22 And the one sown with seed among the thorns, this is the one who hears the word, and the anxiety of the world and the deceitfulness of wealth choke the word, and it becomes unfruitful.

23 But the one sown with seed on the good soil, this is the one who hears the word and understands it, who indeed bears fruit and produces, some a hundred, some sixty, and some thirty times as much.”

I used to wonder a bit about what is the difference between soil 2 & soil 3. One thing is similar: both are affected by the concerns of the world = affliction, persecution (v.21) and anxiety of the world (v.22). The difference is soil 2 falls away. The person received the good news with joy but he turned away from his belief when hardships come. Soil 3 becomes unfruitful. This person is like the plant that grows with the thorns. The cares of the world prevent him from bearing fruit:1) fruit of the Spirit; bearing fruit like 2) sharing the gospel to make disciples of people.

To be like soil no. 3 is to be like a believer of Jesus yet not bearing the semblance of Jesus. To be unfruitful is like having no joy, no patience, no love, no peace, no faithfulness, no gentleness, no goodness or kindness and no self-control. To be an unfruitful Christian is because his focus is on the “anxiety of the world” and the “deceitfulness of wealth” not on the ‘Power of the Word.”

To be fruitful, I need to ‘hear’ (really listen, read and study) the Word, ‘understand’ (really live and apply it to my daily living). To be fruitful is to bless my neighbor as I obey God’s command to love him with all my being. How do I bless my neighbor? I love them like Jesus loves me. I forgive as I am forgiven. I give as Jesus gives. I multiply the gifts and make more givers out of my giving = that is making disciples of all nations. That is the great commission of being a fruitful follower of Jesus. So help me God.

Today is another day to bear fruit and be fruitful, dear friend.

A Love Letter to Hannah

What does a mother say to her child who bravely left her family in the pandemic to get married thousand of miles away from home? How does a mom feel when she could not be with her in the journey ahead? Would she be lonely? What if she catch the virus? etc. I guess I chose not to dwell too much on the sad possibilities. Instead I thought of how to embolden and empower her for the journey ahead. God is good. He was with her all the way.

So here’s my love letter to my child – 3 days after she left home. She flew out of the nest on 6/12/20 – literally to be independent as it’s independence day of a country in lockdown! Today is 1/5/2023. I woke and it’s 4:15am. I looked in my files and found this letter which I need to read for myself. I need to apply the lessons for myself this time. As I share it, dear reader, I pray the Holy Spirit touch your heart to be brave and realize what matters most in life!

My dear Han,

You are my first born. You are God’s gift to enroll me in the school of motherhood. A new lesson for me today is letting go of my child and setting her free.

Today as you enter a new milestone in your life, I let go of your hand even as I hold you always in my heart. I pray that the Holy Spirit empower you to be a wife of noble character that God intended you to be. Just as God created Eve to be a helper to Adam, you are to be a helper to Jensen.

I ask that the Lord enable you to bring him good, not harm, all the days of your life. May our almighty God strengthen your arms and hands to work eagerly. May His loving kindness touch your heart to be generous to the poor and needy. May His presence embolden you to step out in faith amidst life’s challenges. May His Spirit grant you a heart of wisdom to make good choices in word and deed. May you laugh at the days to come as His peace covers you in strength and dignity.

Remember charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. May you yearn and work for the words of your master: “Well done, good and faithful servant… enter your master’s happiness.”

Remember to be humble always for
This is what the LORD says:
“Let not the wise boast of their wisdom or the strong boast of their strength or the rich boast of their riches, but let the one who boasts boast about this: that they have the understanding to know me, that I am the LORD, who exercises kindness, justice and righteousness on earth, for in these I delight,” declares the LORD. (Jer. 9:23-24)

Love as God loves you. Forgive as God forgives you. Be gracious as God is gracious to you. Take delight in the things that the Lord delights in. Boast that you know the Lord God who is kind, just and righteous.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. (Prov. 3:5-6)

Thank you, Lord for listening to the prayers of my heart. I let go and entrust my child into the palm of your loving and righteous right hand. In the precious name of Jesus, Amen.

To Fear or Not to Fear

To fear or not to fear… What are you afraid of? What makes your knee weak with fear? What shakes your composure and keeps you awake at night? Is it fear of sickness? fear of loneliness? fear of loss? fear of death? fear of rejection? fear of financial insecurities? fear of the unknown?

Psalm 112 tells the secret to a life of no fear. Fear the Lord and have no fear. The Christian life is not a pure smooth path of roses. It is not all sunshine. There will be darkness v.4 but even in darkness, light dawns for the upright -for the gracious, compassionate and righteous – these are the characteristics of those who fear the Lord. v. 6 tells us the righteous will never be shaken – they will stood firm and have no fear of BAD NEWS because their hearts are steadfast, trusting the Lord. v.7 This implies that there is bad news BUT we will have no fear even when things are bad.

Sometimes we are tossed and turned by waves of fears. It is so difficult to be steadfast – to be steady, to be secure and to ‘not be shaken’ and have no fear of the darkness, the bad news of life. What to fear? or rather Who to fear? Fear the Lord – not the kind of being afraid – but the kind of obedience – finding great delight in his commands! Turn your fear of the dark into steadfast unshakeable security by fearing the Lord of light. Even in darkness, light dawns. Even with bad news, there is no fear!

Psalm 112
1 Praise the Lord.
Blessed are those who fear the Lord,
who find great delight in his commands.
2 Their children will be mighty in the land;
the generation of the upright will be blessed.
3 Wealth and riches are in their houses,
and their righteousness endures forever.
4 Even in darkness light dawns for the upright,
for those who are gracious and compassionate and righteous.
5 Good will come to those who are generous and lend freely,
who conduct their affairs with justice.
6 Surely the righteous will never be shaken;
they will be remembered forever.
7 They will have no fear of bad news;
their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the Lord.
8 Their hearts are secure, they will have no fear;
in the end they will look in triumph on their foes.
9 They have freely scattered their gifts to the poor,
their righteousness endures forever;
their horn will be lifted high in honor.
10 The wicked will see and be vexed,
they will gnash their teeth and waste away;
the longings of the wicked will come to nothing.

#fearless #FearOfTheLord #wisdom #readthebible

Danny’s Flashlight

Light of the world, a lamp in the dark, a city set on a hill.. These words remind me of my friend, Danny. When? When he was fighting and dying of cancer… How? Let me share an excerpt of the eulogy I wrote for him some 10 months ago.

On 4/9, Danny said: I’m stable but in pain. feels like a dog w/ sharp teeth biting my right chest n wont let go. I’m surviving thru much prayers esp at night I cant lie down. God is good. He makes me sleep when I’m exhausted. I’m truly thankful for that.

From 5/25-27: Scan results out, no good. He said: God knows what’s next. Don’t worry. I’m totally at peace. Pray for less pain. I don’t want my family to be affected when I whine or cry in pain. Thanks. I cannot explain the peace that I feel now.
“it’s not as bad as it sounds. God is good no matter how this progresses. I’m totally at peace. No worries. Thank you for prayers.”
“Let’s hope the med works. God is good. I’m not a bit worried.”

8/25, “I’m not afraid to go. I just ask God for another chance to share w others how good He’s been to me.”

Danny’s words testified that in all things (good n bad) God is good. He loved God and was devoted to Him amidst hardship. He loved people. He was dying and still thinking of God and neighbor. He wanted to donate whatever useful organs he’s got left. He asked for more time even in great pain to tell his stories.

Danny taught me lessons on dying bravely and living brightly even in the deep dark pit of pain. God enabled him to be a light shining in the valley of the shadow of death.

God took him first even though he was the youngest in our barkada. He was strongest when he was weakest because God’s grace was sufficient. Danny shone brightest when it was darkest because God was his light. Today, his voice resonates loudly because God’s Word was the only voice he heard and held on to. His life mirrored his Savior and Lord Jesus.

Today, Danny still speaks to me. Yesterday, his wife told me Danny gave me permission to share his stories whenever possible so people will know his God of grace. I miss Danny often especially when I have questions about the Bible, about things to write, ideas to share. He was a deep thinker, great teacher and fine writer. He’s witty, funny, silly, naughty and many more. Most of all, he’s my friend who loved me and whom I loved dearly. Tears falling as I write these words.

Around 1am today, I woke and could not get back to sleep. I watched some video clips on FB and chanced upon the Red Table Talk of Jada Pinkett Smith with the parents of Ms. USA who committed suicide earlier this year. Near the end of the talk, Jada shared her grief story about losing a dear friend. My takeaway from her lesson: Memories of our loved ones who passed on may fade. One sure thing remains: love.

How true the words from the Bible:
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. 1 Corinthians 13:13

Seeing God’s Face

There once were two friends travelling in a desert. They got into an argument. In the heat of the moment, one slapped the other. The one who was slapped, wrote on the sand: Today, my best friend slapped me.
When they came to an oasis, they decided to take a bath. The one who was slapped, slipped and fell in the mire, started to drown. Her friend pulled her out and saved her life. The one who nearly drowned wrote on the stone: Today my friend saved my life.
Why?
When someone hurt you, write it on the sand where the wind will blow it away. When someone helped you, engrave it on the stone where nothing will erase it.
“For to see your face is like seeing the face of God!” Who said this? To who? how? where? when? WHY?
Who: Jacob
To who: Esau (Jacob’s twin who wanted to kill him.)
Where/When: On the way home to return to his father Isaac; after running away/hiding from Esau.
WHY? Esau wanted to kill Jacob after he stole Esau’s birthright (Gen. 27-28). After so many years of hiding, God told him to go back home (Gen. 31:3).
Jacob feared that Esau might still be mad at him and ready to kill him:
1) He prayed to God about his fear (32:9-12).
2) He planned and strategised what he’s going to do to meet Esau (32:13-21).
3) He changed his plan again when he saw Esau (33:1-3).
Then what? I could imagine how pleasantly shocked Jacob was as I read v. 4
But Esau ran to meet Jacob and embraced him; he threw his arms around his neck and kissed him. And they wept.
The brother-turned-enemy became his brother again. Jacob exclaimed: Seeing you is like seeing the face of God! Why? Because now you have received me favourably.
Lessons to learn:
Favour – an attitude of approval or liking; an act of kindness beyond what is due or usual.
Indeed, what a joy it is to have favour with God and man – that is how Jesus was described when he was growing as a boy. The same was described of Samuel: that he grew in favour with God and man.
Am I not happy when people affirm me? Do I not find satisfaction in gaining the approval of friends and family? How comforting is it to receive a kind word, warm hug and a firm pat on the shoulder when I’m feeling down! Whatever blessing I have, is it not a favour – an act of kindness from God beyond what is due me?
How many of my friends and family members or even strangers do i see as like seeing the face of God? Perhaps, many are, in different ways at different times, sometimes taken for granted?
When people see me, will they say that seeing me is like seeing the face of God? Do I extend the same favour that God gives me to others who need it? Do I forgive as God forgives? Am I kind as He is kind? How do I treat those who have wronged me? What is my attitude when I am the one who has done wrong? How do I extend mercy? How do I receive grace?